Dating a Married Man? Sounds Insane!
You may haven’t planned on doing this but sometimes, even an intelligent woman’s emotions can take the better of her. So here you are dating a man who is already married and you aren’t able to keep yourself from him. The truth is, loving and dating a married man will hurt you big time and it is very rare that it will work out. That’s what all older and wiser people will say to you. Relax, I am not here to judge your decision of dating him or ask you to just dump the man right away.
Before you decide to continue dating him, be rational and think if it is actually worth it. You can even get some advice from an older person on this. Before you say yes to this relationship with a married man, I want you to be very clear about some things. Such as: • His first priority will always be his wife and children. • In case he lied to you about his marriage when you first started dating this man, you must consider whether or not you can trust him at all. • You gotta be independent. It would be wise of you not to sacrifice everything for a married man. Make sure you have other hobbies besides dating him or doing stuff with him. He is definitely not giving up everything for you so you shouldn’t either. Don’t stop dating other men completely. • If he divorces his wife for you, your relationship with him will change. It won’t be limited to that casual dating anymore. • Do not let a married man take advantage of you. Get as much out of him as you are putting in the relationship. • Whatever you are doing is risky so ask yourself twice if it is really worth it. • Chances are he won’t leave his wife for you so don’t live in a fool’s paradise. • Don’t believe him when he says he doesn’t have sex with his wife anymore. Hence, you shouldn’t keep yourself from seeing other men just because you are dating him.
Before letting this thought come in your head, you have to ask yourself a few questions: • Is this man worthy of your trust? Was he open about his marriage when you started dating or he broke the news in the middle of it all? • Does he have children with his wife? Even if he loves you, it does not change the fact that he is obligated to his kids. They may come between you and him in the long-run. • Is he divorces his wife for you, you and your lover will have to go through a lot of sad moments. Would you be able to love him the same? Do you think he can handle all the turmoil of divorce? Will all this hurt you too? Now if you have measured all the pros and cons and your final decision is to continue dating this man, you need to make yourself strong and independent. Otherwise, you will get hurt.
You Can’t Help Who You Fall In Love With
It is an unhappy waiting game for a woman to date a married man. Most women live a life of secrecy in such situations. Only the close friends know about such affairs and you cannot tell anyone else about this dating scenario, not even family. Do you agree to all of this? Most of your time will be spent waiting. Waiting for your married lover to call you and meet up. You are not his wife and you are definitely not the mother of his kids so your chances of happiness will be highly uncertain. If you really want to get into this mess, here is another piece of advice. You will have to be the one with a big heart.
Things to Be Clear About Before Starting Off With the Relationship
It is going to be daunting to be in a relationship with a married man. While you are dating, you have to be careful about the following:
• The needs of his family will outweigh yours; always
Like I have mentioned before, his wife and kids will come first. He may not be happy with his marriage and dating you is the best part of his day but he has some obligations to his family that he cannot deny. Even if he does not love his wife anymore, he shares a life with her that includes friends and family and he might not risk losing that while dating you. So, you will have to accept that fact that you will always be second on his list.
• You and your lover are going to be secret; maybe forever
If you want this man to openly acknowledge his love for you, it is not going to happen. He may bring you gifts and be willing to take you places, but he will never take the risk of having you meet his friends or come in front of his family. That means you have to be ok with being behind the curtains all the time until he leaves his wife or maybe till you guys continue dating.
• You will be his temporary diversion
It is going to be extremely painful to accept this fact. The beginning of an affair is romantic and your desire to be together is always at its peak whether you are dating or you are sleeping together. It is exciting when he steals hours from home or work to have sex with you. But sometimes, this passion to have sex is mistakenly taken as love. Over time, this romance will fade. Later on, he may not be as excited to see you as he is now.
• He is not going to leave his wife
Forget that he will ever be leaving his wife for you. He will have a long list of excuses to stay with his wife such as financial and legal complications associated with divorce, children, or maybe because he is some affection left for his wife. If he is still with his wife, they are definitely having sex. Don’t kid yourself over this fact and don’t believe whatever he says.
• Yes you are dating but, you can’t claim this man
Whether it is legally, financially or emotionally, you cannot claim him because he is married to someone else. Once the dating game is over, the emotional bond between you two will be over too. Your lover may be a nice guy but he will never let emotions overcome him.The truth is men are smarter than women when it comes to dealing with emotions. He knows that if he holds onto his feelings for you, he can get in trouble with his wife and family. So, once it is over, he will move on. You will be the only one to get hurt if you get emotionally attached to him while you two are just dating.
If you are strong enough to accept all of this in the very beginning of dating a married man, only then you can save yourself from emotional distress.
How Can You Possibly Stay Happy While Dating A Married Man?
Dating a married man is not easy and chances are you may be going through the pain already. It is fair to question is there any way to stay happy or at least save yourself from the hurt while dating him? Truth be told, you need to be clear that this married man can only be a small part of your life. No matter how many promises he makes to you, he can never be more than that for you. You need to make some rules for yourself if you really want to stay happy while dating him. Here are some classic rules:
#1 Create a schedule for the two of you
Make a calendar that works for both of you. To make your dating successful, you must stick by these rules without any exceptions. If he can give you only Wednesdays and Thursdays, that’s what you will get. Don’t ask for more. And if he doesn’t show up on the scheduled days, don’t get mad. After all, he is married, and you know that too.
#2 Don’t ask to be introduced to his friends or family
Yes, you are dating him and it is the most beautiful thing that has happened to you but always remember that you are always going to be a secret. He cannot introduce you to his friends or family because he is already married. Don’t put pressure on him to do that either. Showing off might blow your chances of making the most of this relationship.
#3 Do not speak ill of his wife
Whatever feelings you have for his wife, keep them to yourself. Don’t say a word against her even when he is complaining to you about something she did. Also, most married men don’t like it when their wives are being disrespected by someone else. It’s bad enough that you are dating or sleeping with a married man, so you shouldn’t talk bad about her. And speaking ill of her may even get your guy to start having bad feelings for you. So, zip it.
#4 Don’t put your dating life on hold for a married man
Like I have mentioned before, he is not going to leave his wife for you. He may be swearing that he will soon and he is working towards it but these promises are empty. Go out with your friends, have some alone time, meet other people, and maybe even travel somewhere alone. Do not miss out on your own life for a married man because maybe a few years from now, he will decide you are no longer a good fit for him and that’s when you will regret everything you did for him. So, don’t hurt yourself at any cost while dating a married man.
#5 Be prepared to move on, ALWAYS
It is one of the most important dating rules of all. Keep in mind this is not a real relationship and you cannot really claim this man. He might leave you whenever he feels he has had enough of you or probably when his wife finds out that you and her man are dating. Don’t call his wife or his family. Don’t try to blow his phone up either. Just pick yourself up, forget you ever even dating and move on for your own good.
# 6 Never say the three words
If you want to be happy while dating this man, don’t ever say ‘I love you’. Once these words spill out of your mouth, you will start to act like you are in love with him and with love comes a sense of ownership. But the truth is, he is not your man and he probably never will be.
Dos Of Dating A Married Man
Some of the dos that I will be telling you might sound repetitive, but you gotta hear them, sister, especially if you want to save yourself from emotional distress while dating a married man.
You deserve to be loved and nobody can love you better than yourself, not even the man you are currently dating. There is no need to sacrifice your happiness and settle for a relationship that you may have to keep a secret for the rest of your life just because the man you are dating is married. You deserve so much better and you have every right to be loved the correct way.
Have fun on your own
You are only dating this man to get your demands of love and affection fulfilled, right? He is enjoying his time with you outside his married life so why can’t you have some fun? Do not be a sacrificial goat, you have to make sure you are having fun in this relationship too. If not, then what’s the point of getting hurt and being the second option all the time?
You are his present; not his future
Don’t plan your future with this married man you are dating unless he is actually getting a divorce. Even if you think you are madly in love with him, you should keep on looking for single men. You are not really cheating on him if you are dating another guy. There is plenty of fish out in the sea better than the man you are trying to settle for. It is not healthy at all to limit yourself to this relationship. There is someone out there who can take better care of you better than this man and you will be his one and only, not the second best.
Let him come to you first
Always live by these rules. Do not call, text or email him first. You don’t want to get caught by being the first one to approach him. You must get on with your own life instead of waiting for him. Let him come whenever he has time. You need to earn some importance for yourself too by establishing a no contact time. It is recommended not to be always available for a married man.
Trust your instincts
Dating him already has so many risks involved so you gotta trust your instincts. If you get a call from him to end the relationship, you must end it without any hesitation. You don’t want to force a married guy to keep on dating you. Plus, if his wife finds out, it can ruin so many lives.
These rules can be challenging to follow, especially if you are emotionally involved in this man but you must play safe, for your own good. Remember, he always has the option of going back to his wife because he is married, but if you have limited yourself to this man you will get crushed emotionally. He should not be your center of happiness. You need to make yourself independent of him to stay happy and sane. Hence, you should have a back up too.
What If He Already Made His Mind To Divorce His Wife Before Seeing You?
Here is another scenario. The man you are dating is about to get a divorce already and you are not the reason for it (Thank God). Want a good piece of advice? You must wait until the ink of those divorce papers is dry before getting serious with him. He may say he has dealt with the feelings but divorce isn’t that simple. Ask older people who have been divorced and you will get to hear a lot of sad stories. He may not want to get back to his wife but he is not emotionally stable to start another relationship. He may be just casually dating to get over what’s happened. If the man says he is not ready for a relationship, you should trust him. He may be hurt or broken and no you can’t waste your time saving him. He needs some alone time to pick himself up. Give him all the time he needs to clear his head before dating him again. Otherwise, you will only be a substitute for the wife of this man and he will definitely be dating you to get over her.
Double Check: Is Dating This Married Man Really Worth It?
Your happiness depends on this man too. You shouldn’t be the only one compromising in the relationship just because he is married and he has some obligations. If the man acknowledges that you deserve his time, remembers the important events in your life, makes you feel special whenever you are together, doesn’t always talk about his wife when he is with you, knows that you get jealous sometimes, and respects you, he might be seriously interested in you. On top of all this, if he does not use you to satisfy his sexual thirst, then he is a keeper. My advice would be to make the most of the time you spend with him. But again, don’t get too much emotionally attached to him. A good piece of advice is to take the physical relationship slowly and even keep the kissing limited. First, get to know him. If the man does not share the same lifestyle and values as you, this relationship isn’t going to go further anyway. You will regret your decision of dating a married man in your older days.
Even if you talk to a relationship expert or some older person you trust about dating a married man, they would say you are the only one who can make yourself happy, not the man you are dating. Don’t forget that he isn’t the only good guy in this world and you still deserve someone way better than him, a man who you can tell the world is yours, someone you are willing to spend your older days with. If there is a little voice inside of you telling that what you are doing isn’t right, listen to it. Stop dating this man and move on. There are so much better things to do in life than wasting your time on a married man. Anyone who cares about you would advise you of this.